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Attachment, however, can often be more of a conscious choice.
It is possible to "decide" who to share a home with, how to divide parental duties, and pick someone particular based on safety criteria.
Women then may gravitate towards a culturally prescribed "nice guy," only to find that they become bored, their libido wanes, and their eyes wander back to "jerks." Either way, they find the relationships largely frustrating and unsatisfying.
Beyond highlighting this double-bind for all, I will save the "what men can do" for another time.
Therefore, attachment decisions are often more greatly influenced by social norms and cultural practices.
Think of the "wish list" some women have for the perfect partner.
For women, a number of possible solutions exist, including the following: 1) Learning to Love Leading—one strategy adopted by some women is to learn to love being the leader of a "nice guy".
Essentially then, some women choose to "attach" to men who are cooperative, agreeable, supportive, and often take their lead in areas the woman finds important.
From a cultural standpoint, men who are categorized as "disagreeable," "opinionated," or expect women to "acquiesce" may be considered unappealing as "attachment" partners.
Unfortunately, however, many of those "culturally undesirable" male traits are similar and overlapping with the traits that are biologically "attractive." Although not always true, often the man who is intelligent, high status, and ambitious will be unlikely to take a back seat, follow, and submit in a romantic relationship.
and the type they choose to attach to (from social instruction). Socially, today's woman is encouraged, empowered (and perhaps expected) to do it all.
This, in itself, often causes extreme stress for the "super woman" and "super mom." Social norms tell her she is expected to succeed in work, run her home, raise the perfect children, and be attractive and chipper too. It is also an order that requires women to be intelligent, motivated, powerful, and in control.Particularly, women I speak to say that they can't find a good man.